The Dreaded "S' Word

As many already know, I am a Southerner at heart, born and raised in Alabama and married to a man from Louisiana. We met on e-Harmony. Yes, online dating works and we are a testament to the value of this as we have been married seven years and together for eight. As I pondered how to address this particular topic today, on the "love" holiday of the year, I thought it best to approach this from a Christian viewpoint as it best aligns with my beliefs. 

In our monthly MOPs meeting this month, they assembled a panel of men and these men answered pre-selected questions meant to "tame the mystery of man." It was nice to hear one of them say that his wife was NOT submissive and it was possible to have a good marriage and good life with someone who wasn't. I agree with that statement somewhat, and I even mentioned it the other night to my husband after I came home. He reminded me gently that this isn't the way God intended our marriages to be and that being submissive isn't about the man controlling the woman. He also reminded me that a real man is submissive to God. 

I have thought about that statement a great deal since he said it and God's design for our lives, was for man and woman to complement each other, right from the start. It is evident in scripture because Adam was alone and God created Eve to provide a mate for him. I can say we are true complements of each other in our marriage because in areas where Aaron isn't as strong, I pick up the slack and vice versa. For example, I am proud to say that my grandfather taught me how to jump off a car (correctly hook up jumper cables), check oil and anti-freeze and how to change a tire. This is usually seen as "man's work." But in our household, I am the one who takes the vehicles to be serviced and makes sure everything is done to them that needs to be done. 

I was reading a sermon by John Piper on what biblical submission does and does not mean. One important point I gleamed from this was that first and foremost, in order to have submission by the wife to the husband, the husband must be submitting to God. Also, submission does not mean:

1. Submission does not mean,that as wives, we must agree with everything our husbands say. I was glad to read this because there are MANY times when I do not agree with my husband and he can attest that I can be quite outspoken about it. I am not one of those women whose husband or anyone else for that matter, ever has to ask how I feel about something.

2. Submission does not mean leaving your brain or your will at the altar. It is not the inability to think for yourself. In fact, I would even suggest that sometimes you have to think for your whole family. I have addressed this before, but a wife must consider her children and her husband in all actions; something I have not always been so good at doing. Let me just say that my husband is a VERY patient man and has faced our obstacles in our life together with great strength and love. This is one of the things I admire the most about him.

3. Submission does not mean avoiding every effort to change a husband. I believe this because just as we are to be accountable to God, we should be culpable to each other. Husbands and wives know each other on an intimate level that is unlike any other relationship. They know the person without the personality fronts we tend to put up, without the colorful makeup and they have seen us at our best and at our worst. Since this is the case, I believe it is our duty as husbands and wives to tell one another when we are not doing things according to how God intends. But let me stress this: Don't walk into marriage expecting to change your spouse. No one changes because someone ELSE wants them to. They do it because THEY WANT to do it. 

4. Submission does not mean putting the will of the husband before the will of Christ. We are to be followers of Christ above anything or anyone else. I would assert that if we did choose our husband's authority over Christ, this is a form of idolatry. We all know what the bible says about worshiping idols. 

5. Submission does not mean that the wife gets her personal, spiritual strength from her husband. A good husband should seek to strengthen and build up his wife, however this does not mean that the husband should ever ignore when the wife is doing something she should not be doing. A part of him being submissive to God is letting his wife know (in a loving manner) that she is not doing what she should be. It takes a swift kick in the butt for some of us (like it did me) and lots of love and patience.

6. Submission does not mean that the wife is to act out of fear. It is NOT about power and being in charge. Yes, men are the be the head of the household, but they basically aren't to let this power "go to their heads." This doesn't mean they can be arrogant and mean or domineering. 

Piper says submission is "to delight for the husband to take the initiative in the family."  I personally am glad when my husband takes responsibility for things (especially the finances) and leads with love. The attitude of Christian submission also means that we do not follow our husbands into sin either. 

So as we celebrate this "love" holiday of the year, let us remember to serve one another and love one another. I won't lie. Marriage is hard and there are some days you don't even want to talk to that person you promised to love for the rest of your life. But anything worth having is worth working for. That makes it worth my time to, as stubborn as I am at times, do my very best to follow the Godly leadership of my husband.