Love is an Action Word...

As I sit down to write this, I think back about how many times Aaron has told me....."Don't say I love you....show me."  I have to say, yes, honey you are 100 percent correct in this point-of-view.  I am sorry I have never gotten it, until TODAY! Sometimes, for me to understand a concept, I require a practical, life example where I am forced to apply the principle.  

I am helping our church with something called Winter Haven, where basically it is as it sounds. Our church is providing a respite for homeless men in this program from the cold and with that, providing meals for them for a week. It is a wonderful program, and for many, the ONLY way they will be exposed to the Gospel.  We have ONE chance to reach many of these men before sending them out on the street again. My job (besides cooking part of the meal one night) is to call and remind everyone who has volunteered to help with lunches for the men. The lunches will have personal notes inside them and since it is the week of Valentine's Day, it was suggested that they could be Valentine's notes with a scripture. What better way to tell them they are loved and to show them than provide what is needed for their subsistence for a week?  

In thinking of this, I am reflecting on how many times I, as a sinner, have written words to Aaron and made promises, but failed to keep them.  I know I will break promises because I am a sinner.  Admission that I won't always be perfect in keeping my promises is the first step to being a better person and keeping the promises I make to the best gift God has given me: the gift of MY HUSBAND.  I don't think I show him enough how blessed I feel because he chose me for his bride, for life!  

Sure, I do all the normal things like keep our household running, care for our daughter, cook dinner, and make him a lunch for work. Every day I put a little note inside that reminds him how much I love him.  I have written countless letters and cards to him and usually commemorate EVERY single holiday, big or small, with some kind of love note. 

From The Five Love Languages, I learned that my primary and secondary love languages are Receiving Gifts and Physical Touch, respectively.  I wonder how many times we actually ask ourselves if we know the love languages of our husbands and other important people in our lives.  If we did this, would it make us more cognizant of our actions on a daily basis?  

I think knowing that my husband's primary love language is Acts of Service will help me strive to be a better wife to him, to show him that I love him, instead of just writing how much. He meets all my needs and THEN some.  He really does complete me. He is my better half. My life is enriched because of this gift God has given me.  Today, he worked a whole day and then went to the grocery store and grabbed a few items I needed to make dinner.  I have had a particularly tough day dealing with my Interstitial Cystitis pain....yes, this can be a hindrance sometimes to getting the things done I need to do, but I am trying NOT to let it get the best of me.  If I do, then it will win.  

I have a good friend and fellow mommy (you know who you are), who always says the most awesome words.  I know she struggles with at least one chronic health condition as she was hospitalized last year for something and I visited her in the hospital.  When I ask her how she's feeling, she has said to me a number of times, that she doesn't want to give her medical condition power by talking about it.  I want to thank this woman because she has been an inspiration to me over the past few months.  Aaron did not know the April before Interstitial Cystitis.  He didn't know the vibrant, energetic woman who exercised twice a day sometimes.  I want him to know this side of me and I know it is still in there.  

I want to make an assertion that our natural tendency as sinners and as humans is selfishness. We must be purposeful in our daily walk through life to be giving and unselfish; to show love, our actions must be deliberate. After all, this is mentioned in scripture.  "Dear Children, Let us not love with words or speech, but with actions and truth." ~1 John 3:18

Yesterday, Aaron wrote me the sweetest email which will forever touch my heart.  He was apologizing for saying some really hurtful things to me over the past week or so.  In it, he was saying how much I meant to him and how we have been through some really tough, horrific things together. I was touched by this because as a close third in my ranking of love languages is Words of Affirmation.  Aaron is a lot of things, but he usually never writes me letters.  I am not being negative by any means about him here, but just saying that he is not a writer by nature. One of the first times he deployed, I provided him with the stationary and the self-addressed stamped envelope.  He wrote me from the Baltimore airport before going on that deployment and I read that letter at least a dozen times in between phone calls and emails. I am pretty sure we were newly married for that deployment. 

How we act in our relationships is just as important as what we say.  I think there is a lot of truth in the old saying that, "Actions speak louder than words."  When we first are dating our husband or wife, we put our best foot forward and dress to impress. After a few years of marriage, he has seen you sick, with no make-up and at your worst. Love isn't given freely and it must be nourished (like we care for our new relationship) if it is to remain and GROW. I don't know about you, but I definitely want my husband to love me more and more as the years go by. Feelings wax and wane and that is where the action must come in. We must show our husbands that we love them. 

Take one month and be purposeful in doing things with and for your husband that show love. Since I am a hopeless romantic, having a quiet dinner with my husband means the world to me. When he sometimes brings home flowers, that really fills my love tank! Cards or notes specially written for that day or just sitting and talking while holding hands is quality time and words of affirmation. The "gifts" do not have to be expensive. It does not have to break the bank to show the person who means the world to you how much you love them. As we approach the most romantic commercialized holiday of the year, I challenge you to be purposeful and let your husband know how much you love him. 

As I leave you, I'd like to share a quote from the book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change that epitomizes what I am trying to say.

"Love is a verb. Love -the feeling- is the fruit of love the verb and our loving actions. So love her (him). Sacrifice. Listen to her (him). Empathize. Appreciate. Affirm her (him)." I pray that my husband knows and can see through my actions how much I love him.