Marriage is the Finest Art of All



Marriage is an art form like no other. It often requires much sculpting, shaping and sometimes completely erasing the images from the past and starting anew in the same relationship. Our late pastor who married us, used to say, "One Life, One Wife." Sometimes you just want to quit and leave and this is the devil at work in your heart. We must guard our hearts daily against this. When someone does something wrong to us, we are called to forgive them immediately, whether they ask for it or not. This is no easy feat; I am the first one to admit that. But this is forgiveness. 

In a Tenth Avenue North Christian song entitled, "Remade," the artists sing:

"You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

Cause' it's not about what you've done,
But what's been done for you.
This is not about where you've been,
But where your brokenness brings you to.

This is not about what you feel,
But what He felt to forgive you,
And what He felt to make you loved."

Music speaks to me; it probably does because I spent ten years in broadcasting as an on-air personality. My last gig was a real eye-opener for me and coincidentally occurred around the same time I was saved (at age 21). I worked for a Christian radio station doing afternoons in Mobile, Alabama. Every day we were given a scripture to read on-air and even though I WAS saved, I didn't turn away and repent the way a Christian should. Does being saved mean you will always do everything perfectly? No. This is because of the fall of Man and sin is a result of this. 

Hear me on this. I am forgiven by the One that matters most--The Lord. In the bible, Peter asked Jesus how many times he should forgive someone who has wronged him. Jesus replied with the answer, "seventy times seven," and a parable about forgiveness can be found directly after this in the book of Matthew.

The Parable of the Unmerciful Servant 21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”
22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.[a]
23 “Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24 As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold[b] was brought to him. 25 Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.
26 “At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’27 The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.
28 “But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins.[c] He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.
29 “His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’ 30 “But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. 31 When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened. 32 “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. 33 Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ 34 In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. 35 “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”

I recently was fortunate enough to watch the new Lifeway film, Acts of God, during a free simulcasting event online. In the movie, there are seven seemingly unrelated situations of hardship all connected by the loss of an innocent child. The child was killed in a car accident when a man (an unbeliever) drank alcohol and drove drunk. The mother had suffered so much pain because her husband had been killed when a car struck his bicycle. She struggles throughout the film and these different situations touch her life in such a way that she epitomizes the true meaning of forgiveness. The woman wanted this man to rot in prison for taking the life of her little girl, but instead in the end she gives her victim impact statement in court and says she forgives the man. After he plead guilty, she even asked for leniency in his sentencing. Furthermore, she said she would have to get up each and every day if that's what it took and forgive again. Forgiveness is a process and it takes TIME, but we should START this process immediately! 



The Lord is clear in the Bible when he says if we do not forgive others, we cannot be forgiven ourselves. Matthew 6:15 says, "If you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." To me, this is a big deal. I mean, it is often easier said than done. There are other issues which come into play like the fact that forgiving does not mean forgetting, nor does it mean there will be no consequences for your actions. It DOES mean that we, as Christians, must not bring up past wrongdoings in our relationships because it hinders our ability to move forward with an attitude of Love and Acceptance.

I think you and I would both agree that some sins are worse than others, but God sees sin as sin...plain and simple. To Him, all sin leads to death. As humans, we are not expected to never do anything wrong. This can be traced all the way back to Adam and Eve's violations in the Garden of Eden. 

In his book The Purpose Driven Life, Rick Warren says:
Many people are reluctant to show mercy because they don't understand the difference between trust and forgiveness. Forgiveness is letting go of the past. Trust has to do with future behavior. 
Forgiveness must be immediate, whether or not a person asks for it. Trust must be rebuilt over time. Trust requires a track record. If someone hurts you repeatedly, you are commanded by God to forgive them instantly, but you are not expected to trust them immediately, and you are not expected to continue allowing them to hurt you.

I read something the other day that exemplified what I am saying about the subject. It was an anonymous quote that said, "Forgiveness is the best form of love.....it takes a strong person to say sorry and an even stronger person to forgive."



We would ALL agree that learning to forgive takes real life situations and it is cultivated over time. I don't think Jesus expects us to ALWAYS show the kind of Grace and Forgiveness that He does. That would be perfect; we all know He is the only one capable of that kind of love.

However, it DOES mean we are to actively DO THIS and learn to become proficient at it. In a marriage, this can be very hard. It does NOT mean it isn't possible. What is does mean is that in order to forgive your spouse, you cannot bring up past wrongdoings every time there is an issue or conflict. These things cannot be used as trump cards. Actions cause intense hurt; believe me when I say I know this well and so does my husband. Forgiving what seems unforgivable requires that we lower our pride and practice humility, something I know I and most of us are just not accustomed to doing well. 

I read a lot of Focus on the Family articles and I stumbled across this one the other day. Here's an excerpt which outlines my point here:

Jesus Christ has set the perfect example for us to follow – in life and in marriage. Becoming more like Christ in your marriage will not happen overnight. It will take persistence. It will take perseverance. It will take flexibility. And, most of all, it will take love: a love that shows your spouse that you are more concerned with his or her needs and desires than your own; a love that serves without an attitude; a love that forgives unconditionally.
And in the end, that kind of love will have revealed a glimpse of Jesus to your spouse. They will have seen Jesus in you."

Sacrificial love requires you put yourself last (read: I am preaching to myself here too). This can be SO difficult, but it does not mean we shouldn't try. My husband has done a good job of putting our daughter and me first for many years. For that, I am very blessed and humbled. Me, I am a work in progress. Just as the aforementioned text from Rick Warren's book implies, marital strife did not happen overnight and it cannot be fixed in an instant. This is hard because we are such an instantaneous culture.