Insomniac......that's the name of the game, just thinking about Summer in Russia...

So, I haven't been to sleep at all tonight and it's 3:40am here. I've tried my normal sleep medication so I thought writing and getting some of my feelings out there might be a great way to get some sleep. You know, that unburdening feeling...that might make me feel better.

I read a quote today about adoption and wanted to share it:

Pray, hope and don't worry. Anxiety doesn't help at all.
Our Merciful Lord will listen to your prayer.
--- Saint Padre Pio

I sure do hope this saint is correct because we are ALL praying for our little Katie and trying our best NOT to worry about the outcome, or specifically, when we are going to get a referral.

I think it is all-consuming these days.  Some days it is easier and others harder.  Though when I consider where Aaron and I both are in life at this moment, it almost seems better that we get our little one next year because he'll be closer to being done with graduate school (graduates in June) and he can come home and be a father to our little baby girl and not think about anything else.  When he does come home now from work, it's constant homework and a barrage of tests and such.  He goes to school for 11 weeks and then is off for two weeks, then it repeats in cycles just like that! After this current class, he will be halfway finished with a Master's degree in Information Assurance.  It's a good degree, from a military-oriented school known as Norwich University.  

As for me, I just continue to read up on adoption literature...especially on that of bonding and attachment and just hope things go smoothly.  I hope and pray each day that the relations between the U.S. and Russia get better since what happened earlier this year with the woman in Tennessee.  Lately (I wish I would not have developed this habit of reading other adoption blogs), but I spend extra time reading them and there are quite a few families experiencing what we are.  Some have made that first trip and met their children.  Those are waiting on court dates.  That probably has to be the hardest predicament to be in with all of this because those families KNOW their child specifically and what he or she looks like, are trying to plan for his or her arrival and how in the world can you do that when you don't even know when you will get custody and get to bring them home?

I keep reminding myself that it could be worse, however.  I keep reminding myself that even though mine and Aaron's friends who are 4-5 years younger than us and having babies are just doing it sooner and that we will get our turns also.  I remain happy for them, though at times wishing it was us who was welcoming our little one.  I relish the opportunity of being awake in the middle of the night with our little one.  Sometimes I wonder IF that time will come.  When she does come home, how WILL she sleep?  Will she be traumatized by her time spent in the orphanage?  Oh, the questions are endless.  But this is where I remind myself to have faith, trust God and know that HE is our creator and knows alpha to omega....beginning to end.