Date Night with my wonderful husband, Aaron...and update on adoption
I write about this because it doesn't directly pertain to adopting our little Katie, but it is relevant to our feelings about having a child. It's been 3 months, 3 weeks and 3 days since we started our adoption process and this feels like an eternity.
Tonight, we went to have dinner at Red Lobster and then to see the movie in theaters called The Last Song. It made us realize, as if we didn't already know, the fragility of life. I love the quote from Lisa Beamer (wife of Todd Beamer--who perished in Flight 93) which states, " Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."
There was also a quote in tonight's movie that struck me and completely applies to our adoption scenario. "Sometimes you have to be apart from the people you love, but that doesn't make you love them any less. Sometimes it makes you love them more." ~Quote from The Last Song~
I ask myself, how is it possible to already have so much love for a little baby girl that you have never even met? Maybe the Lord is preparing my heart for our little Katie. I have no idea what she looks like, but I already love her so much....as a mother would love and cherish a daughter. Geez! If I can't take going to a movie like this perhaps I should just hide this year on Mother's Day. Ha Ha~!
The movie was a very good movie, but at the same time a really sad movie. I don't know why I'm not more prepared for so many emotions with Nicholas Sparks movies, but I never am. I never have enough tears. Aaron told me tonight that the last five (now six) movies we've seen are tearjerkers, or "cry, cry" movies as he put them.
He asked why we don't ever go see an action oriented movie and I said I needed movies with substance in them, but perhaps the next one we'll see will have to be a bit more lighthearted.
Just a few of the movies we have seen recently in the theater:
(and I am sure there are more that I am forgetting at the moment).
With our adoption sort of at a stand still until we hear from Beacon House about our home study (which we are praying is next week). I'm so emotional. Every time I see a baby, I just think about our little Katie and am praying that special little princess God has picked out for us is being loved herself and taken extra special care of. It is beyond comprehension that our baby could already be born.
Now, you'd think I would be used to bureaucracy being an Air Force wife and all, but that is so not the case at least with adopting our princess. We have to get our home study certified and notarized and then sent to immigration for their approval. Once doing so, we were told by our adoption coordinator to wait a couple of weeks before we begin dossier #1 (legal documents that have to be submitted to the Russian government). This packet of paperwork must be notarized, certified by the county court and then apostilled by the Secretary of State's office in Columbus (which is about an hour and a half drive from here).
However, once we need all our documents apostilled, I will be driving them up there so that we can have them back in the same day. The reason she wants us to wait a couple of weeks after sending our home study to immigration is that we're so quick with paperwork, our coordinator does not want documents to expire and for us to have to redo them. We can't submit our dossier until we have received immigration approval, known as the I-171H.
At this point, the dossier is submitted to the Russian government and we wait....wait for a referral for our precious Russian princess. I truly believe the hardest part about all of this IS the WAITING!!! Yes, I am so incredibly happy for the Megerle's, who just came home with their little girl today, actually...just in time for Easter. What a miracle and a gift from God. We pray our gift from God comes soon.
Something else that really gets to me and I sure hope this does not make me sound selfish, but I am sick and tired of going to baby showers. I get almost depressed every time I have to give a baby shower gift. Yes, I am happy for those having babies, but it seems so unfair sometimes that God allows women to have babies who are addicted to drugs and a whole host of other issues and problems, but yet a couple with an emotionally, spiritually and financially strong and stable marriage can't or are told their chances are very slim. The baby showers I have been to recently are people we attend church with, but I speak of the latter feeling about God's choice of mothers because of watching way too many episodes on Discovery Health about these women. Two shows make me really angry: I'm Pregnant and.... (on Methadone, homeless, Bi-Polar, etc). and the one on MTV called 16 and Pregnant. However one series I ALWAYS DVR is Adoption Stories. These stories give me hope, because while not all of the couples have fertility issues, there are many who do and others who chose to adopt to do something for the greater good (which impresses me beyond measure BECAUSE of the rigor and expense associated with adoption).
Also, I pray someone honors us with a baby shower. Even though I don't have the pregnant belly to go with it, I pray someone realizes (at our church in Sunday School) or a friend that this is something we need to have to make the process of having our baby as special. It is probably best if someone does wait until after our first trip and we have some photos to show to see how old and how big she is. Perhaps it could be an "Adoption Shower." Do people even do those things for adoptive families?
Is this envy? I sure hope not because the Lord tells us many times in the bible not to be envious. For example, Proverbs 14:30 states: "A sound heart is the life of the flesh: but envy the rottenness of the bones."
Maybe I should not have these feelings toward other pregnant women. After all, they did nothing outright to hurt me, but there's a sadness there that I deal with daily. Maybe it's grief. Then, I am always able to redirect my feelings to the day when our little Katie is placed in our arms. I know myself well enough and Aaron well enough to know we will probably cry tears of joy for this little baby. The joy will be compounded by the fact that we are saving one of God's most precious angels from a life in an institution and then being put on the street to fend for herself at age 13.
There's not much else to tell, but please keep us in your prayers as we await more information and pray they approve our home study with no changes next week. I guess I thought I was more prepared for the waiting than I really am, but this is truly a lesson in patience. God works with us like sandpaper throughout our lives to shape us into better people and maybe this is one of those times.
I also have begun to dislike people's well-meaning statements that, "Oh honey, as soon as you adopt, you'll get pregnant and have no problems having a baby." I just hate that statement because it makes you hate not being successful at the one thing I feel I was born to do and that is to have Aaron's children.
What I am most proud of though is that Aaron is treating this adoption like we're pregnant in a sense. He makes statements all the time regarding this and I say, well we might be pregnant a whole year. But I still feel as though sometimes I am missing out on something with not being able to carry a baby to full-term and to say I gave birth to him or her. I also feel sad sometimes when I think about missing out on at least the first year of our Katie Allison's life and not being there from the beginning.
However, my mind tells me none of that will matter when she is placed in my arms and we get to bring her home to her "forever family." Now that Katie's room is finished, I just can't wait to have her room and our home filled with the pitter patter of little feet. Thank you so much for your prayers. Please continue to pray for our little family as it grows.....
Tonight, we went to have dinner at Red Lobster and then to see the movie in theaters called The Last Song. It made us realize, as if we didn't already know, the fragility of life. I love the quote from Lisa Beamer (wife of Todd Beamer--who perished in Flight 93) which states, " Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."
There was also a quote in tonight's movie that struck me and completely applies to our adoption scenario. "Sometimes you have to be apart from the people you love, but that doesn't make you love them any less. Sometimes it makes you love them more." ~Quote from The Last Song~
I ask myself, how is it possible to already have so much love for a little baby girl that you have never even met? Maybe the Lord is preparing my heart for our little Katie. I have no idea what she looks like, but I already love her so much....as a mother would love and cherish a daughter. Geez! If I can't take going to a movie like this perhaps I should just hide this year on Mother's Day. Ha Ha~!
The movie was a very good movie, but at the same time a really sad movie. I don't know why I'm not more prepared for so many emotions with Nicholas Sparks movies, but I never am. I never have enough tears. Aaron told me tonight that the last five (now six) movies we've seen are tearjerkers, or "cry, cry" movies as he put them.
He asked why we don't ever go see an action oriented movie and I said I needed movies with substance in them, but perhaps the next one we'll see will have to be a bit more lighthearted.
Just a few of the movies we have seen recently in the theater:
- The Last Song
- Extraordinary Measures
- Dear John
- My Sister's Keeper
- The Time Traveler's Wife
(and I am sure there are more that I am forgetting at the moment).
With our adoption sort of at a stand still until we hear from Beacon House about our home study (which we are praying is next week). I'm so emotional. Every time I see a baby, I just think about our little Katie and am praying that special little princess God has picked out for us is being loved herself and taken extra special care of. It is beyond comprehension that our baby could already be born.
Now, you'd think I would be used to bureaucracy being an Air Force wife and all, but that is so not the case at least with adopting our princess. We have to get our home study certified and notarized and then sent to immigration for their approval. Once doing so, we were told by our adoption coordinator to wait a couple of weeks before we begin dossier #1 (legal documents that have to be submitted to the Russian government). This packet of paperwork must be notarized, certified by the county court and then apostilled by the Secretary of State's office in Columbus (which is about an hour and a half drive from here).
However, once we need all our documents apostilled, I will be driving them up there so that we can have them back in the same day. The reason she wants us to wait a couple of weeks after sending our home study to immigration is that we're so quick with paperwork, our coordinator does not want documents to expire and for us to have to redo them. We can't submit our dossier until we have received immigration approval, known as the I-171H.
At this point, the dossier is submitted to the Russian government and we wait....wait for a referral for our precious Russian princess. I truly believe the hardest part about all of this IS the WAITING!!! Yes, I am so incredibly happy for the Megerle's, who just came home with their little girl today, actually...just in time for Easter. What a miracle and a gift from God. We pray our gift from God comes soon.
Something else that really gets to me and I sure hope this does not make me sound selfish, but I am sick and tired of going to baby showers. I get almost depressed every time I have to give a baby shower gift. Yes, I am happy for those having babies, but it seems so unfair sometimes that God allows women to have babies who are addicted to drugs and a whole host of other issues and problems, but yet a couple with an emotionally, spiritually and financially strong and stable marriage can't or are told their chances are very slim. The baby showers I have been to recently are people we attend church with, but I speak of the latter feeling about God's choice of mothers because of watching way too many episodes on Discovery Health about these women. Two shows make me really angry: I'm Pregnant and.... (on Methadone, homeless, Bi-Polar, etc). and the one on MTV called 16 and Pregnant. However one series I ALWAYS DVR is Adoption Stories. These stories give me hope, because while not all of the couples have fertility issues, there are many who do and others who chose to adopt to do something for the greater good (which impresses me beyond measure BECAUSE of the rigor and expense associated with adoption).
Also, I pray someone honors us with a baby shower. Even though I don't have the pregnant belly to go with it, I pray someone realizes (at our church in Sunday School) or a friend that this is something we need to have to make the process of having our baby as special. It is probably best if someone does wait until after our first trip and we have some photos to show to see how old and how big she is. Perhaps it could be an "Adoption Shower." Do people even do those things for adoptive families?
Is this envy? I sure hope not because the Lord tells us many times in the bible not to be envious. For example, Proverbs 14:30 states: "A sound heart is the life of the flesh: but envy the rottenness of the bones."
There's not much else to tell, but please keep us in your prayers as we await more information and pray they approve our home study with no changes next week. I guess I thought I was more prepared for the waiting than I really am, but this is truly a lesson in patience. God works with us like sandpaper throughout our lives to shape us into better people and maybe this is one of those times.
I also have begun to dislike people's well-meaning statements that, "Oh honey, as soon as you adopt, you'll get pregnant and have no problems having a baby." I just hate that statement because it makes you hate not being successful at the one thing I feel I was born to do and that is to have Aaron's children.
What I am most proud of though is that Aaron is treating this adoption like we're pregnant in a sense. He makes statements all the time regarding this and I say, well we might be pregnant a whole year. But I still feel as though sometimes I am missing out on something with not being able to carry a baby to full-term and to say I gave birth to him or her. I also feel sad sometimes when I think about missing out on at least the first year of our Katie Allison's life and not being there from the beginning.
However, my mind tells me none of that will matter when she is placed in my arms and we get to bring her home to her "forever family." Now that Katie's room is finished, I just can't wait to have her room and our home filled with the pitter patter of little feet. Thank you so much for your prayers. Please continue to pray for our little family as it grows.....
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